moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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