I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
