Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
