You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
