i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
