I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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