i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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