Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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