please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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