i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
