apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
