did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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