I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
