i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize