chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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