We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
