two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize