I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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