Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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