Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
