My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
