Can Purell be used as lube?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
