I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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