why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize