I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
