Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
