My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
