Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
