When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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