That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Text me some of your sweat
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
