I wish I could teleport
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
