oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
