made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize