He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
