dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
