Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
her vagine was all disorganized.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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