dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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