Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
