my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
True strength comes from lack of pants
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
