and you said cock pushups were impossible
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
