He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
