Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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