this just has baby written all over it
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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