It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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