I just saw a hot homeless man
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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