Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
