I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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