so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
