i permit you to call me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize