ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
