She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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