Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
