just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
