I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
