Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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