I didn't shave. On purpose
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
