did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
