He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
