White coat. Heels.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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