I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize