I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
