Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
