Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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