I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm experimenting with sincerity
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
