I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
