Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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