This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
