Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
