If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
