I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
