Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize