Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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