Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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