All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
