Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
