I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
