you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
