yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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