My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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