So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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