Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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