I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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