now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
