I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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