as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
