First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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