What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
