where does the pee come out of this thing
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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