Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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