so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
