I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
