Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
