I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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