Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
