Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
