Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
