I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
