He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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