Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
