So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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