All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
