somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
