its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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