doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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