o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
