Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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