its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
