I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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