Whod you bang
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize