I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
