I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
